Insecure
insecure
that reflection in the mirror leers to remind me that i'm less than my peers, that my childhood fears of mediocrity all suddenly reappear.
insecurity means inferiority, as if because this nose is round, i've let the world down, that this hair atop my head is less than crown, like this fat that surrounds my body is worn like a gown, that the peace i've found is because i'm now sound, in the fact that, i finally feel passable, that when I walk through the halls my face isn't laughable, like my appearance was creation, like it was craftable.
the gloom that consumes, my mind when the thoughts not so divine come to say that i'm running out of time, that the truth I find, is in social media clicks, meant to create devils binds, oblivious called blind that when I see this reflection in the mirror i can't help but mind that my appearance is less than kind. often i wish i could rewind to a time that my outer being wasn't the topic of conversation, that my relations wasn't based on how my skin intertwines to create something so divine, because in my mind im no different than that 12 year old boy that wished he was blind, everytime he looked in the mirror because he couldn't find, the goodness in the way my nose drooped, my clef left and my hair stoped.
i'm an insecure man which means I don't understand that, what appears to be bland is what makes me able to stand and say that I love myself forever and always, that when I prance the hallways, my mind stands on my hate, of myself for not being the mate that God creates, that i'm so insecure I can't seem to find the cure to my insanity, for all my humanity, there's no vanity in what I wear because no amount of clothes can cover up the holes that were created by the moles of hate, the mass of laugh and the glee of make believe, hating myself because I couldn't see, the worth in not being a perfect man. i'm an insecure man who can't understand that my worth shouldn't be measured by hurt, that I should stand to say that I love my self forever and always.
copyright © micah hill 2024
