Abandon
abandon
My sweet world of fall leaves, winter breeze, where the tip of my nose would freeze, transitioning into a blossoming of life, rays of light, as the sun hits my window seal, I'm reminded everything is alright, my father tries his best, to not show stress, as his world is filled with gloom, walls of black, clouds of smoke begin to stack, where the trees look lifeless, the flowers never bloom, stuck in a loop of doom, my youth of ignorance, and his belligerence of love, casted a shadow that towered from above.
Like a puppy I sped away, fast from the barrel of gloom, it seemed my world collided with power, challenged a world that seemed so sour, but my white painted red and black, filling soul by the hour. I wanted to speed away, from a world of hurt, a triangle pyramid where love is the foundation, reverence next, use of the rod, the hex of masculinity, on top was fear, that catastrophe was near, so each level was used to steer me, and keep me near, but each tier, would cause tears to flow from my eyes, afraid of his size, predisposed to tell lies, to hide from marks behind.
I'd be taken to a new world, aided by pigs, my animal control because home didn't feel like home, I recall sitting, laying, in an office so sterile, the silence of the room, almost made me feral, I was clutched, in the arms of my sister, the fear of mister, unsettling feeling of the unknown, prone to being hunted like a fox to a hound. In a world so evil I had become abound, to the cycles of suffering, turned into a hound, the sound of leaves ruffled, caused me to scoff, nose perked up, ready to take off, the winter wind meant no more than resting season, the expansion of pedals, meant no more than deaths reason, of a natural cycle to dominate, rule over the acres, of cruel trophic past, ruse of a tough guy, it could never last. I had just wanted to bask in my father’s arms, even though he had harmed, because the foundation he'd laid for me was one to farm, and leave once the ground had nothing of charm.
My life seemed more than to hunt and stunt, to walk aimlessly in the forest, nose tucked in front, I had the tenderness in my heart, to not tear you apart, because your presence warmed my spirit and my intuition would dart, the way I should view you, ought to be with caution, ever my mother left, she left me alert, and prepared to expect the worst to disperse, from any entity, my tendency to trust too hard, turned to fear of betrayal, natures portrayal of an endless movie of gloom, but you touch the tender part of my soul that knows that you don't mean doom.
abandon me doesn't mean you left me standing, but it means my world is tossed and hurled, as I begin to curl, back into that puppy whose nose got stuffy every time you'd say you love me, my winters turned warm, my summers became dark, and the leaves in the park on autumn day fail to stay, because of the cycle of grief, and disbelief that I could ever change.
copyright © micah hill 2024
The movie “Fox and the Hound” compelled me to feel sentimental and it forced me to reflect, as I watched the simplistic imagery, and the sweet, gentle, and sour story; it captivated my attention. It reminded me how I too had let my environment and expectations that hung over my life to define who I was as a person. Seeing Copper and Todd interact was a reminder that hate isn’t predisposed, but taught. The mean and calculated demeanor of Chief reminded me of my father, that deep down inside he truly did love me and wanted the best, but what would ensue showed the opposite. Love has no bounds, and sometimes we need a reminder of our social contract and a reminder that tenderness and gentleness always prevail. This poem is about my childhood experiences and interactions with the cycle of trauma, and a commentary on the sweetness that love exudes.
