The things that develop

The things that develop.

The feelings I can’t describe overpower my will to thrive, issues after issues. Please let me get a tissue, wipe away my flaws and maybe I’ll be useful for a better cause. Rather than sulking in my own despair of my own mistakes that took place, maybe I’m not enough, maybe I’m not who I thought I was.

Thinking and thinking I’m thinking I’m alright but maybe I’m mistaken, maybe I’m fooling myself into believing I don’t want any type of assistance when it comes to the sputters of overthinking my mind inflicts. They come in waves of cliques pushing and pushing making false thoughts become reality.  Then I get to feeling cowardly, but again am I who I think I am?

Maybe I’m not a man yet, maybe I’m just a boy who needs a certain guidance or the rules I’m not abiding by. Just an ignorant fool who can’t seem to think straight.

It’s crazy that those thoughts hit me like a freight train, the sense of a weight that won’t go away, the heart feeling as low as if in a grave all caged up by an overwhelment of emotions, living off of tokens given by those who inspire.

But maybe I am who I believe to be and not just some wannabe, maybe the intrusion of thoughts are just waves of weakness in the mind that I’m leaving behind. Maybe, just maybe I fought that battle with myself and overcame thyself. And now what’s left is an improved and renewed man who’s ready to take on the rays of hatred, attacks, fear, anger, tests, love, heartbreak, lust, it’s all no longer. Because now I am stronger.